My back's to the wall but still I will fight
without saying I'm wrong or believing I'm right.
I could live an illusion or even pretend
that I don't want or need any type of friend.
Do I deserve friends? Who am I to say?
Everyone would have a friend, if I had it my way.
Should a man suffer for his wrongs? I believe so
but what that suffering would be, I don't rightly know.
Should they hang me upside down by the tips of my toes?
Should they beat me half to death with a length of rubber hose?
Or should they lock me in a cell and deprive what's called my mind,
just throw away the key until the end of time?
I am without a doubt no angel, that we know for sure.
Many of my past actions were evil true and pure.
I make no excuses, my crimes I wont dismiss
but I don't believe anyone could possibly deserve this.
To feel so alone at times that you don't wish to go on.
To constantly reach out for contact and for no one to respond.
To suffer every day with only yourself to blame.
To know the way your mind works will never be the same.
After years in solitary the world sort of drifts away,
your past comes back to haunt you and is stuck on replay.
You begin to hate yourself for all the pain you have caused.
I have struggled for years and now my life is on pause.
I understand how many people would feel, I'm just a piece of shit,
that if my life is total hell, I'm the one who done it.
And if I'm honest with myself, I would have to agree
but everyone needs a friend and that includes me!!!
by Ricky Silva, may 2013
To all reading this blog:
ReplyDeleteI hope it will open your eyes to the cruelty of long term solitary confinement. It's not right! There are a lot of convicts like me in solitary, so maybe you think I'm a piece of shit? Thats cool. BUT you could always write someone else who maybe is a better person than me.
Don't be afraid to reach out!
Ricky, you are not a piece of shit! So many people are unaware of this country's overuse and abuse of solitary confinement and you, in sharing your experiences on this blog, are increasing public awareness of this issue. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteLisa, thanks for the comment on my blog. This is all new to me. I really don't know what I'm doing with the blog but I'm trying to do just what you said: Make people more aware of what's going on. It makes my feel at least I'm trying. Thanks for acknowledging my effort. Your comment is appreciated. I will keep forward with the blog, which is only possible because of a special friend. So that being said, thank you for sharing!!
DeleteRicky, it's a pleasure to be that special friend of yours. :)
ReplyDeleteThis was beautiful. Thank you Lisa for showing me this work of art, and thank you Ricky for making it. Keep fighting the good fight, those on the outskirts we will try to stand by you as best we can
ReplyDelete