A criminals mind often produces choices that the avarage person wouldn't make. For some they're a product of their environment. They know no other way of life. Is that an excuse? Yes.
But the real question is not if it's an excuse, it's if it excuses. And the answer to that is no.
I'm not saying criminals like myself don't deserve to be punished. But like I wrote in the poem on my blog, where does the punishment exceed being productive and just become cruel? To be locked away for life with no chance of parole for crimes in which no one was hurt or for petty theft based on a 3 strike law? In some ways I agree rather than take all hope away from a human being by locking him away forever. Shit, it would be less punishment to have a bullet in your head and it being over with. Not saying that's my solution but there have been times when I welcomed death over this solitary that's attempting to kill my mind.
And for every one criminal that is a product of addiction or poverty there is one that is just plain evil who cares for nothing an no one. I can't really relate to this kind of mindset because that is not how I think. To do things with no remorse and care for nothing but yourself or your own personal gain seems harsh beyond my understanding.
I had to face the victims in my robberies cases during the trial I had for the murder of another inmate while in prison and though I felt no remorse for killing the inmate I felt great remorse for the trauma I put the victims in my robberies cases through.
I know in a lot of peoples minds no inmate has good in them. And I will be the first to say I did some real shitty things and I guess the reason that I did them really doesn't matter. The result of what I did is the same either way.
However though it may be thought that no inmate has any good in them. In my opinion NOW every human being including inmates has some good in them. Even the man I killed must of had some good in him. And though I can't yet forgive him for desecrating a picture of my 9 year old niece. I have come to the point where I can't yet forgive myself for taking his life. There are times when I feel he deserved it but the bottom line is, it wasn't my choice to make.
That being said there are many men in solitary for very long periods of time and a lot of us have done some shitty things but we're not all pieces of shit that should be locked away in a small cell forever. What if all you had to look at each day was those cell walls for not a day or two but a year or two? It's cruelness, it really is. I'm making it but it isn't easy and it is harder on some than others. You feel I'm not worthy than why not find a convict that you feel is worthy and reach out to him. A letter now and then may be the difference between a good day and finally going insane. And I'm not being funny, being totally honest.
Please understand when I write about things, I may not be talking just about my situation I may be speaking in general and most of what I say is just my opinion. And opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one. :)
I'm posting at least one more poem. Poems posted are all written by me. Maybe garbage that doesn't make sense but hell, they came right out of my head. I will try to keep posting each week.
Sincerely,
a caged man
Ricky
Ricky Silva DC# L24722
Florida State Prison
7819 N.W. 228th street
Raiford, Florida 32026
U.S.A.
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