If I was not here
were would I be?
Am I doing time
or is time doing me?
I must maintain my sanity
at any cost.
How can I be so focused
and be so lost?
A man can walk
only after an infant crawls.
Why do I feel so alone
when I have these four walls?
A man can walk
only after an infant crawls.
Why do I feel so alone
when I have these four walls?
Has it really already been
over three years?
Why do I feel like crying
but can't shed any tears?
My mind wanders daily
I'm coming unglued.
Maybe I deserve this
could that be true?
In my life so far
I've done plenty wrong.
Now my punishment is coming
it wont be long.
There is a lion in my heart
and he is so filled with rage
yet I wander patiently
within my concrete cage.
by Ricky Silva, april 2013
by Ricky Silva, april 2013
My questions are 1. Why are you doing Life? Is there a body involved? 2.) you killed a prisoner while doing time? You have a question about where you are? And you are looking for friends? I'm an ex-con did 7 another 20 on probation or parole... What some call organized crime... Just so you know I am not a do-good-er... Why would you even think you deserve friends? You are down for drugs, that tells me a lot without even knowing you... I'm listening...
ReplyDeleteHe will answer soon. The answer has to come by mail, because there is no internet at prison. You have to be patient.
DeleteRuss, to answer your question. Everyone deserves a friend. You say yourself you're no do-gooder, well I wont fault anyone for feeling I don't deserve a break. Shit, I was like you said, a low life drug addict who did a lot of shitty things to get drugs. I will be the first person to agree I should be punished. I even agree with my prison sentence. To my actions, I don't hold it against anyone who feels I got what I should get. I only appeal to people who can realize that people can change. And I have changed. Am I a do-gooder? Fuck, no! But I'm not taking money from innocent people so I can get drugs either. As for the murder, I feel about him the same way you feel about me. He got what he should have got. And just like I let you have your oppinion, I have a right to mine. That being said, I would never fault anyone else for being a friend to someone. I may be a piece of shit in your eyes, who doesn't deserve anything and you have every right to the way you feel. But to someone else I might be a person who is need of human contact to prevent insanity, someone who accepts the shitty things he did, feels remorse and is just seeking to be a better person today than yeasterday. That being said, I appreciate your comment because I value any input I can get. (see even the post may 18, 2013)
Delete@Russ, read this on www.tcpalm.com/news/2012/may/24/martin-circuit-judges-ruling-keeps-convicted-off/
ReplyDeleteand if you want even this on www.tcpalm.com/news/2010/feb/02/letter-cell-mates-violation-of-loved-one-led-to/
I think, why should someone not deserve a friend? You don't have to be his friend but others might want to.
Yes everyone deserves a friend. And we can call pick our own. Thanks for providing th info details for Russ, Kat
DeleteEveryone knows or should do that life itself is sacred.however if a man is forced into circumstances beyond his control, in an intense and extreme environment, his actions and reactions become different.
ReplyDeleteI would encourage any man or woman to imagine what they would become capable of when housed in a tiny cell up to 23hr day in the company of a convicted child rapist, who then is discovered masturbating over a young family member.
It's also important to point out Mr. Silva faced violence from other cons for not reacting the way he did.
I've heard that compassion is the greatest virtue. Certainly speaks to me as a truth but forgiveness is equally important and there's people desperate and begging for it. Forgiveness is also very difficult but forgiveness also set me free of self destructive twisted life.
I'm not a do gooder either .
Looking down on substance abusers ?expect you will after this analogy, but i will make an attempt to get you more informed.
ReplyDeleteGetting off smack/crack, with no familial support or rehab facility, can be likened to clawing your way out of a recurring 80ft sheer drop covered in nothing but freezing cold filth. I consider myself fortunate in being able to do this, and stay out of that revolting hole. But, with addiction being a recurring condition i must be vigilant not to stumble, and respect the fear that i may fall in. Still looking down on people ruined by drugs? Yes i thought so. Never mind. Someone's gotta care.
Recall to add from above..my words there are not just for you Ricky (you will relate to it, i expect, anyway) they're an answer to anyone who might be mis-informed, prejudiced, prone to stereotyping addicts (perhaps rightly so-imagine being a victim of violence, yeh)?
DeleteThere's nobody who deliberately sets out thinking, "today i will become a smackhead, and wreck my own life, including that of those around me, and as a result i will be incarcerated forever". Nobody does that. It happens as a result of a set of circumstances coming together, most of which you (Ricky) unfortunately had inflicted on you, and all the other stuff that results from homelessness.
That's not to say you were allowed to inflict the violence on others clearly.